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fuck i just cant let some things go...

you know some times i want to go and live in like the woods naturally.... make my own place out of the surroundings and live at peace with nature... it calms me. i go to forest and woods and i just get this feeling. its magical.... i feel at one. i feel every thing.... every thing is my own and i can just sense it all.
i found this beautiful spot at this park thing. its this deep grass hole in the ground about 25 foot deep. i climbed down. and surrounding the top of the hole are trees, huge green leaf jungle looking trees. and its beautiful...

i laid there in that hole for about 3 hours. listening. trying to detach myslef and become apart of the air the trees the grass. but some thing keeps me grounded....
some things i just cant forget. i dont know why.

but i have found my new spot to chill. i might take joe there. show him my secret new spot i think he would appreciate it like me.. he is like me. a brother. a friend, family... but more... maybe not.

maybe he is what keeps me grounded.

every day i wake up and i try to make some one smile....

i try to give them hope...

peace

love

 but i smile is something special..
it brings them happiness

i dont know....
i dont think they are just trying to make things miserable... arnt they just trying to have love? maybe the guy is meant for them. not the other gurl.................

i think maybe they arnt tramps...

what exactly is a home wrecker..................

how have you all been!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so things have been looking up for me....

i just thought i would let you in on a few things...

first i have become a vegiterian. i watch animals get slaughtered every night to avoid temptation i feel nuseas every time.....

i am discuted in the food process.. i am disturbed by hearing an animal scream.

i also have been hanging out with people again... i found a great guy but we are just friends right now.

any ways be safe

trust yourslef!

 

I feel the night sky.

Harsh and cold in my lungs.

My heart pounding in my chest.

My muscles aching to stop.

The adrenaline release begins.

As my endorphins drown me

My own natural opiate.

The sound of foot steps

Against the cold concrete road

Stars beaming down on me

The moon creeping up behind the trees

Its rays slowly crawling

To camouflage the road

In its beauty

The beams fly past my shoulder

This must be magic.

My mind continues

As my body cries out to slow

But I cannot

I must keep going

If I stop then every thing will come back.

All my fears, worries, thoughts.

So I run.

I run far away

And I never stop.

I feel the night sky.

yes a very cliche title. To match how i feel.
wait...................

is it pain?
no, remorse
or regret
maybe confusion.
change.

what ever it is i have been betrayed again. fucking guys with there egocentric ways...

when will i be free...

free from myself.. from all restrictions on my mind and soul...
when will my spirit set sail with the wind and fly with no boundaries. when will i finaly be free.

when can my soul soar

i just thought i would tell every one hi.... well any one that actually reads my blogs where i am normally complaining or whining about some thing.

i am deciding to only depend on myself. because if there one thing one person in this world that i could full trust and depend on it would be me. Only i understand and can some what comphrhend my thoughts. with out feeling insecure or humiliated sharing it with some one else. And i could have no fear of being exploited because no one would know.....
i absolutly adore myself because hwen it gets down to it. I am the most loyel person and devoted that any one could possibly meet. and thats why i just need me!

but to change the world.
to make a difference......
that may require some help from you too.
: ) 

i just wanted to tell you guys whats up and down and going all around!
beSafe!

well i am wondering if i matter in life............

maybe i will save the world.... maybe i could be that person to inspire a movement in which the world would realize its wrong but lately i am wondering..........................

so many people in this world........ many smarter then me.
with so many people being born would my death even leave a knick in the balance of life. no.

i did give my self a purose
but so many people have the same purpose.... so then why would i matter?

 

The endless summer love

Between two that are forbidden

So they'll sneak into the woods

So there love can remain hidden

Looking into his glossy eyes

She can see he's on fire with pain

So she reaches up to kiss him

She just wants it to go away

He grabs the back of her neck

And pulls her in close

He can't let her see his weakness

He can't be exposed

But when he's with her

Every thing goes away

Feeling her warm skin

Keeps the darkness at bay

She loves him so much

She'll do anything to bring him joy

This poor tragic couple

How Fate can be so coy

He was the only reason she lived

The only reason she wouldn't die

And one day he couldn't take it

And he committed suicide

Stricken with grief

She fell to the floor

As her mother came in

And called her a whore

She said your stupid boyfriend

Is finally dead

Damn stupid drug attic

Just blew off his head.

This cant be true

He wouldn't leave her alone

But yet he did tearing her

Flesh from bone

She loved him so much

And she couldn't be mad

At least not at him

But his alcoholic dad

She had no more reason for living

So she tighten the noose

Kicking back the chair

She ended all of god's abuse

The stars light up the night sky,

Bringing life to the dead stillness.

Silence corrupts one's mind

Only adding to my demented illness.

The only sound I hear,

Are the fast paced footsteps

Against the lonely concrete

And a harsh cold breathe

But it is only a stressed young girl

Running from her fears

From her agonizing memories,

From her earlier years.